I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
