I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
