okay pat passed out under dana's car
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
