Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If I had your ass I would rule the world
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
