If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
