Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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