this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
