Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
