it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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