Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
