remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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