I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
