i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
