I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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