That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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