bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
