I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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