Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
