What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
