Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
