Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
