I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
