No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
