Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
