Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
