So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
