The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
