i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
