we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
