Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sext me about skeletons
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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