Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
