So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
