It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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