when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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