the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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