I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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