Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
