Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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