i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
