guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
