so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
