There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
