whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
