WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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