Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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