I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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