the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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