He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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