So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
