Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
