Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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