yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
