Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I could fuck to npr.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
