I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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